Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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