If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
