I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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