I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
