I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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