Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
