tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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