I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
