I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
