theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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