so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
