420 ftw
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
