I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
