so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
