xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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