you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
