It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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