This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
