I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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