I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
