Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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