her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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