About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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