Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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