I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
