no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
