Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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