You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
