So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
