Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
