Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
