bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
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I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
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How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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