go do what you do best...puke behind churches
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
