you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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