I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
