omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
