I accidentally had phone sex last night
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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