matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize