Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
