I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
