Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
