I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
