tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
