I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
