how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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