xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
where does the pee come out of this thing
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
