if you like me you must not know who I am
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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