it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize