I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
