I'm eating all of the evidence.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
