I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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