hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
