Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
