Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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