I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
