Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
