Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
