Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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