Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I will pee on everything he values.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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