That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
