I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
