My first STD was from a foam party
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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