just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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