so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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