just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
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I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
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when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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